10 Things I Wish I Knew About Being an Author I Didn’t Know Before
by John Hartnett
1.There actually isn’t a federal law that writers must chain smoke unfiltered cigarettes, drink copious amounts of alcohol, get into fist fights or carouse with strange women. It’s strictly a guideline. In addition, wearing a cardigan sweater while writing is also optional.
2. Every time you are hard at work writing and in that place where the words seem to be flowing from deep within your subconscious, someone in your family will ask you to come down and get the grill going.
3. If you use profanity or write long descriptive passages about lovemaking in your work and your mother is still living, there will be at least one unpleasant conversation where you will momentarily wish she wasn’t.
4. There are worse things than having your work disappear from your computer. Number one is having your list of things that are worse than having your work disappear from your computer disappear from your computer.
5. No matter how strong your teeth are, you can not “eat” your way through a writer’s block.
6. If a studio inquires about the movie rights to your book about the invention of the place mat, never tell them to “get in line.”
7. If people didn’t judge books by their covers, designers couldn’t charge so much.
8. Rejection of an artist’s work is a natural and common occurrence but if your dog digs your stuff, that’s all that matters.
9. There is nothing good that can come from stealing from another author. Unless it’s a power washer. A good one will cost you more than $300 and there’s little point in buying one since you’ll really only need it maybe twice a year.
10. Never purchase a new car on credit with the intention of paying it off with your royalties.
The Barber’s Conundrum and Other Stories has been nominated for a 2013 Best Indie Book Award by The Kindle Book Review
The Barber’s Conundrum and Other Stories is more than just a collection of thirty-seven short literary humor pieces and humorous jokes that will make you laugh. It provides a treasure trove of tips and invaluable advice to help you navigate safely through marriage and relationships, raising kids and to finally understand the more peculiar aspects of day to day living that up until now, had been tossed into a big heap as just another one of God’s mysteries.
For example, did you ever wonder why weather reporters continue to stand in the middle of raging hurricanes to tell us what hurricanes are like when everybody else already knows what hurricanes are like? Did you ever wonder why people stop their cars in the middle of the street to let geese walk past even though geese have been flying long before Cro- Magnon Man was in knee pants? Did you ever think that if aliens do exist on our planet, most of them work in customer service? They do!
All of that, and more is in the book, so what do you say? At $8.99, you’re guaranteed to receive at least $10.50 worth of terrific advice and life extending laughter, which as we know is the best medicine, and there’s never a co-pay with laughter so you’re up well over $20 already and this is only the back cover. Think of the possibilities to save when you read the whole thing.
Genre – Humor
Rating – PG
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